Each instalment of the Black Panel Tweet Squad compiles the Twitter ramblings of a site contributor on a single topic. Be warned, these stream of consciousness posts provide a terrible insight into the psychology of our writers.

It was a day like any other. Deadlines loomed, study continued to take up my time and a growing pile of games screamed out for attention. Then that far too comforting “ding!” of a new email arriving in my inbox sounded. It was an exciting one this time. “How’d you like to review Dark Souls?” asked Erin. My heart skipped a beat. My interest in Dark Souls was high after my time with Demon’s Souls. What else was I going to say? I was naïve. I hit “Reply” as fast as I could. “YES!” I typed.

A week later my quest began. I went in a wide eyed, hope filled boy longing for an all encompassing journey and came out the other end shattered, broken, yet at the same time brimming with joy. Twitter became my external Red Sign Soapstone. I threw out messages in to the dark void of the internet, if not in search of help, then at least as a record of my journey before the end, a journey here chronicled, 140 characters at a time.

SPOILER WARNING

• Another day stuck in class, though today’s is even worse. Dark Souls is most likely sitting in my post box RIGHT NOW… #studyingsadface
• So tired I can’t think straight. Best time to start playing Dark Souls…
• And now I return to the dark, dank depths of Dark Souls. I may never return…
• Went down some stairs and was killed by a guy with a big club thingy. Was then immediately killed by a skeleton pushing me off a walkway.
• Goodbye 3200 souls! I AM SO HAPPY.
• HAHAHA I JUST LOST 4K SOULS YAAAY!.
• So, have 4 skeletons and a group of infected rats to kill to reclaim my 5000 souls. Half a life bar and no Estus flasks…
• For those interested I DIDNT MAKE IT. Then lost another 2k souls trying…still so goooood.
• Distance between bonfires is sooooo long. Still smashing my head against this first segment!
• O…M…G…everyone who’s played Dark Souls, you know that shortcut via the kick-down ladder?
• I MISSED IT! COMPLETELY! I’ve spent this entire time retreading all of that area constantly! NO WONDER THIS WAS SO DIFFICULT!
• Wow, those tree guys act all “Oh, it’s ok, I’m easy to kill!” but boy do their hugs hurt.
• Ooooook, so that creepy underground foresty thing full of evil trees scares me. Those massive knight guys in there scare me too :(
• So a grand total of 7K souls lost and zero progress today so far…why do I hate myself?
• Great, so I’ve had to leave 5K souls in the Butterfly bosses area because I just can’t beat it… #sadface
• Dark Souls peeps-If my bloodstain is stuck in a boss area, is there any way to get it back without defeating the boss?.
• I know about the Homeward Bone, just don’t have any and unsure where to find them :(
• Oh well – made it all the way back to the merchant and then proceeded to fall off a cliff right next to them…
• Aaaaw yeah, halberd comin’ atcha now skeletons, how you like that?
• Actually, the Halberd is kinda slow #sadface
• Now, time to forget that creepy forest and go where I was meant to go in the first place! #solost
• Ok, so this bell gargoyle fight is going to be a lot harder because I attacked Solaire earlier and now he wants to kill me…
• Never trust a Dark Souls message left by other players!
• Thought I’d died by falling down an elevator hole, turns out I actually found a super awesome secret area. Items ahoy!
• Can go pretty well one-on-one with the first bell gargoyle, but when the other one shows up? Insta-death… #sadface
• Found out they’re weak to lightning. Used my last “make my weapon all electric” item. Became overconfident and didn’t recover my souls…
• Dark Souls soul farming going well – 10K souls banked so far. Think I better spend these before something tragic happens…which it will.
• Had a heart attack when I saw the ghost of another player behind me, and thought it was an enemy sneaking up.
• Upgraded my Halberd to +4, time to see what this thing can do now! :D
• Oh wow, this +4 Halberd is one-shotting most Skeles now…I think I am in love!
• Oh geez, my heart is beating so fast right now. Bell Gargoyles defeated! Actually, my hands are shaking too…
• And with the first bell rung, I think it’s time for bed.
• The drake sword is mine! Dragon’s still alive though – needs too many arrows!
• Now time to pay that butterfly a visit…
• Oh Drake Sword – where have you been all this time? #inlove

• Butterfly demon hath been destroyed! And I now have 12K souls to spend – what to buy! Also have these really cool weapon ascension items.
• Scared to use them though – they may be important.
• Finally, I’ve found the door for the key for the stuff. Progress shall be made!
• Oh Master Key, I love you more than you could ever imagine right now.
• OMG WTF giant, giant, giant rat.
• So yeah, I fell, and now there’s creepy frogs. This is not going to plan!
• For a few brief seconds during that boss intro, I thought I was going to fight a crocodile of sorts. HOW WRONG I WAS!
• That boss battle wasn’t as crazy difficult as I thought it may be. Soul reward is nice too :D Now, what to spend them on…
• Take that broken statue demon thing!
• I think I might try the “Invade someone’s world” thing. Let’s see how well this goes!
• So, killed the Knight at the top of tower in the Undead Burg, but did so just as he killed me. Did I just miss out on an item?
• Wait, don’t tell me I just missed out on the Black Knight Sword…
• Finally made it to Blight Town. Halberd +6 still going strong :D
• Time to return to #DarkSouls and Blight Town.
• Wow, amazing. Summoned into another player’s world. Neared the boss and was then invaded. Killed off the invader and now have 12K souls :)
• Sadly I’ve run out of poison-curing items. Back to the forests I guess.
• So tonight marks my first two online experiences with a Souls game. Both times we’ve had someone invade. Second one fled though!
• Haha, was pulled away from Dark Souls for 10 minutes. Was summoned to another player’s world while gone and now have 10K extra souls :D
• And I proceeded to lose those 14K souls by falling off a ledge…
• Wait, why is the merchant under the very first bonfire dead? The Estus flask one…
• Wha…what do I do now…
• Time to attempt this Blight Town boss. SUPERHAPPYFUNTIMES.
• Ugh, Quelaag is giving me all sorts of trouble :(
• I DID IT! TAKE THAT QUELAAG! FINALLY! JOY! #DarkSouls #MoreLikeHappySouls
• Also now have 24K souls – must spend them wisely!
• And just as I thought I was becoming a little more powerful, creepy lizardmen come and put me in my place.
• Oh Senn’s Fortress, WHY U SO MEAN?
• Wha? Crazy giant people throwing exploding boulder bombs? :P
• Senn’s Fortress boss isn’t too difficult – he just keeps pushing me off the tower is all!
• Wow, Iron Golem’s “Grab” attack hit-box is awful.
• Why hello there Anno Londo.
• Oh, hello Stray Demon – didn’t expect to see you here!
• Also, currently physically shaking after that fight. Third of a bar of health and no Estus flasks left for half that battle.
• At least Anor Londo is nice to look at! Also, just lost 10K souls…
• Hey, guys, I don’t want to over hype this or anything, but CRYSTAL HALBERD OMG! SO GOOD!

• OMG seriously u guyz – The Painted World of Ariamis can go burn in a fire! This might be what finally breaks me.
• Best part of this Painting world? YOU CAN’T LEAVE UNTIL YOU BEAT IT!
• NO! DON’T STAND THERE EVIL FIRE BREATHING GUY! I NEED MY SOOOOUUULS! Oh well, didn’t need those twelve-thousand souls anyway…
• At this point in time, we are refusing to make any statements regarding the Skeletons with the spikey wheels, except to say “OMG”.
• In other news, I HATH ESCAPED SAID PAINTING! I’m sure Anor Londo will make me wish I was stuck there again pretty soon though.
• Have made it to the Anor Londo boss (or should I say bosses). Quicker than I thought actually.
• I can tell this is going to be a whole barrel of fun! If that barrel were full of piranhas and my head was being held in it…
• I swear, once I’m done with #DarkSouls, I’ll be playing kids games for six months just to get my sanity levels back in to balance.
• I just wanna press the A button and have a Unicorn poop rainbows. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!
• Also, apologies in advance to everyone who follows me for the amount of CAPS! Stress and #DarkSouls can do that to a man…
• Cannot find a single summon sign outside this boss battle. #DarkSouls #sadface #multiplesadfaces
• Twenty…thousand…souls…gone…fell…off…thing…
• Quelaag’s Firesword is mine! Mine! My precious!
• First match of the cricket season today, provided it doesn’t start raining. Fingers crossed!
• Yay, it’s raining! Oh, wait…
• Guess I’ll just keep playing #DarkSouls then…. #crying
• Ugh, killed Ornstein and had Smough at 2/3rd’s health – I think I’m slowly losing the will to do…anything.
• Time to return to Dark Souls for the day, and throw myself against this brick wall of a boss until it’s dead! Or I’m dead…either one.
• Time to give this boss another go – have been grinding souls like a madman!
• Well, just helped someone ELSE defeat them. So easy with more than one! Now to find a summon sign…
• No….I….Smough just needed one more hit…how…noooooooooooooooooooooo!
• And now my Crystal Halberd is gone too! WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL!
• I cannot express the amount of joy I feel at this exact moment #takethatsmoughandornstein
• Hopefully all of that over-levelling I did to kill this boss will make things easier…oh who am I kidding, of course it won’t!
• Finger is nervously poised over my 360′s “On” button…do I dare return tonight? I’m sure I hear it calling my name…
• Wow, Quelaag’s Firesword is tearing up the Catacombs – yay!
• Baahahaha…hahahahaha – turns out it tears through the boss too. What, five hits in total? I think…I think I’m feeling joy.
• Wait, who turned out the lights? GEEZ DARK SOULS YOU CAN’T EVEN PAY YOUR OWN ELECTRICITY BILLS!?!
• I DON’T EXACTLY FEEL WARM AND CUDDLY INSIDE WHEN IT’S PITCH BLACK AND YOU TELL ME I’M ENTERING THE “Valley of the Giants”!
• Hmm, make that “Tomb of the Giants”. Wouldn’t be so hard to read if I COULD SEE SOMETHING!

• Tell me…what words of comfort did you give the reviewer before you sent him to his doom?
• Why? Why does it have to be so dark? Also, why do there have to be big skeleton monsters?
• Gravelord Nito… #sadface
• Just finally put two-and-two together and realised my 72 hours in Dark Souls is three full days…
• Currently level 71 – you’d think this boss would be easier with me being level 71…of course not!
• Ok, have a strategy down for Nito, it’s the “becoming Toxic” that’s killing me now!
• YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
• Oh wow, these baby skeletons are the perfect farming material. Infinitely re-spawning + Humanity too! 80K souls and counting.
• Oh, and don’t worry everyone, all of these Dark Souls obsessive tweets should be ending sometime soon…
• To the Duke’s Archives I go!
• I…I was right next to my bloodstain…and I, I didn’t press the button…goodbye 31K souls!
• Breaking news-Jamie has now turned off his 360 console. Also, he is now so crazy as to be referring to himself in third person.
• Time to rest at a bonfire…I mean, go to sleep. Early night for me tonight and no #DarkSouls in sight *stares intently at Dark Souls case*
• I guess I had better…you know…play more Dark Souls now or something #pleasebreakintomyhouseandstealthisgame
• And so I return once more to the depths of #DarkSouls, the uncertainty of the end of my journey drawing ever closer.
• Oh Quelaag’s Firesword – YOU ARE MY ONLY FRIEND!
• Such a weight lifts from your shoulders when you’re finally free of worrying about souls – death CAN be soothing.
• Oh wow, these Crystal Caves are gorgeous, and…NO IT’S ALL SLIPPERY WAIT I DIDN’T WANT TO NOOOO *slips and falls*
• Worst . Ice . Skating . Ever.
• On my last attempt of the night, I DID IT! Seath The Scaleless is DEAD! YEEEEAAAH!
• And now I’m shaking again…
• Tomorrow? The New Londo Ruins.
• Really needed to beat that guy tonight to keep things on schedule. I…I think I might actually do this.
• And there I go again, letting hope creep in. HAS THIS GAME TAUGHT ME NOTHING!
• And now I travel deep below this broken earth, to the realms of New Londo.
• Hmm, guess I need to fight some crazy Wolf first. And just when I thought I was nearing the end!
• After 80 hours of #DarkSouls, I have only just now realised you can do a running-attack…
• That’s the only boss I’ve ever felt bad about killing.
• Wolf and Hydra defeated. Now to the Londo Ruins!
• And now I face the Four Kings. COME AT ME BRO!
• OMG U GUYZ I DID IT! ON MY SECOND ATTEMPT I DID IT! MWUAHAHA, SUCKS TO BE YOU FOUR KINGS!
• OR SHOULD I “SUCKED” TO BE YOU – YOU’RE DEAD NOW!
• Also, my hands are shaking again. Really should get this under some sort of control #notpossible
• I shall tackle those Demon Ruins tomorrow methinks – time for sleep!
• Haha, no more discharging for you Mr Ceaseless Discharge! #what
• Haha, and I thought the Taurus Demon was difficult “back in the day”. TRY A WHOLE HERD OF EIGHT OF THEM!
• Aaaaaw yeah, Firesage Demon on the first attempt! Who’s the boss now?
• Gotta say, Quelaag’s Firesword has been my saviour so far. YOU ARE SO AWESOME!
• Though knowing Dark Souls, I’ll beat the last boss and then my sword will find a mind of its own and stab me in the back.
• And by “stab me in the back” I mean erase my save and tell me to “Do it again the right way you cheating monster”.
• Centipede Demon is mean, also creepy looking #moreatfive
• YEEEES! Centipede Demon on the second attempt!!
• Oh, and for the record, I killed this guy with my Lightning Spear. See, I don’t need that Firesword at all! #dontmeanit
• Waaaaait a minute, THAT’S what Lost Izalith is full of? Wha…
• Well, guess it’s time to return to Izalith *drags feet*
• What’s that? I defeated the Bed of Chaos? WHY YES I DID! Thanks for nothing Lost Izalith!
• Honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with myself once I’ve finished this game.
• Might play Demon’s Souls next… #backwards
• I’ve WRITTEN IN CAPS THAT MUCH LATELY, that I’m doing it without even noticing now.
• I awoke this morning, and I felt joy #todayistheday
• Wow, utter despair has never looked so gorgeous. One of the best moments of the game saved ’till last #KilnOfTheFirstFlame

• Honestly, walking through that door into this place was like an acknowledgment of the 80+ hours I’ve spent with this game.
• Haha, only just noticed I’ve been saying Quelaag’s Firesword instead of Furysword – oh wells!
• So Gwyn, it’s just you, me, and my “only just discovered its name was Furysword” Furysword. Your defeat approaches!
• Dear Gwyn, please stop being such a difficult boss.
• Great, the guy selling Iron Flesh isn’t at Firelink anymore. I AM DOOMED.
• Ugh, parrying is NOT working. And neither is this light armour. Back to Havel’s I go!
• Had him down to 1/3 health – I can finally parry! Died though…but now I know the secret to eternal joy!
• Oooooook, time for some lunch and a break from this fight.
• So what if I’m eating half a tub of Nutella to de-stress? I DESERVE IT!
• I feel mildly refreshed. LET’S DO THIS!
• AAARGH! HAD HIM AT HALF HEALTH THEN HE GRABBED ME! #helpme
• I am close to tears…those are sad tears, if you’re wondering… #stillgoing
• Oh…what…no…I…HE HAD ONE SMALL SLIVER OF HEALTH LEFT AND I PANICKED! Also, I am shaking now…
• I…have no words. Except for maybe…TAKE THAT GWYN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
• 7 parries in a row! I am the parrying king! None dare face me!
• And so now, the Hollowed Undead shall be no more. Freed from their seemingly inescapable hell.
• After 87 Hours, at Level 83, my journey ends. The bonfire was lit a final time, and as Dark Souls would say – “I Defeated”.
• Now, this game is like The Ring, right? Now I’ve finished it, someone else has to finish it within a week or I die? #worstnightmare
• Feels so weird to be sitting here tonight and not have Dark Souls to play. I feel so free, yet at the same time so empty.

After a month’s worth of play time, a few hundred tweets and more than a few heart attacks, I feel accomplished, satisfied, and in some ways, ever so slightly changed. Empty. I may have escaped the Undead Asylum, but I’m in the Mental Asylum now. Dark Souls sent me crazy. It can do that to the best of people, though in the best possible way.

Follow Jamie Dalzell at @Sir_JD and the site at @BlackPanelDaily.

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